I hate it when people make me realize every time that I am a grown up now, that I can’t sit back home and cry for those petty little matters. I hate it when my mom tells me to get over those cherished moments of my life that I had spent with my loving friend and stop moaning about him not being a part of my life anymore. I hate it when a close friend always remarks “She is not out of school yet!!!” They, the people who are the most closest to me, with whom I spend most part of my day, expect me to behave like a grown up. Forget all feelings, emotions, nostalgia, and behave like a sensible grown up. But…why? Just because we are over that juvenile phase of our lives, our tears have lost their value? Even if I want to shout, be scared and freak out at the sight of a cat or a crazy dog running on the road, I can’t; for that would be disgraceful of a grown up at 23! And that’s where I lose myself, in the quest of behaving like a grown up at 23. I miss my bum-chums and feel like crying, I can’t shed my tears in the light. Darkness has to accompany me so that the world can perceive me like an ideal grown up. For those little demands of life, it’s an embarrassment for me to ask someone to lend me 100 bucks. I can’t scream for an ice-cream anymore or a bucket of flowers to be sent my way on my birthday. A wish to celebrate my birthday by cutting a cake with lots of gifts under my pillow would be a looney thought. I would definitely be a nutcase to talk about the Cinderella story. And, I definitely need some psychiatric help if I am longing for an elder brother’s care and protection at 23. Yeah, I think I am coming into terms with being a grown up and with me, what is growing everyday are my emotions, pains, and fears of surviving in this world of grown-ups.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Until Yesterday
Until yesterday no birds allured,
the drinking water too tasted impure,
no song sounded sweet,
the air had no fragrance to breathe,
Until yesterday the fog was really chilling,
even the silence of nature was killing,
no route seemed defined
even the straight lines weren’t aligned
Until yesterday I dint crave for delicious food,
The success to me held no good,
No parties could attract,
I dint differentiate between a myth and a fact
Today With your presence in my world,
Seems everything around has been whirled,
The birds are suddenly gorgeous,
No phrase or word is ambiguous
The silence of nature is talking
Every route is familiar through which I am walking,
I am hungry even after my meal
Unachievable goals seem no big deal
I am the happiest in my loneliness,
With all beautiful expressions I am blessed.
It’s miraculous that a day could change so much,
Such is the magic of your touch,
You were the cause of pain,
You are the reason, for which happiness should sustain,
You provoked my thoughts towards yourself
Today I pray this to the elf,
May my funeral too has your presence,
May I don’t count my last breath in your absence
Until yesterday no birds allured,
the drinking water too tasted impure,
no song sounded sweet,
the air had no fragrance to breathe,
Until yesterday the fog was really chilling,
even the silence of nature was killing,
no route seemed defined
even the straight lines weren’t aligned
Until yesterday I dint crave for delicious food,
The success to me held no good,
No parties could attract,
I dint differentiate between a myth and a fact
Today With your presence in my world,
Seems everything around has been whirled,
The birds are suddenly gorgeous,
No phrase or word is ambiguous
The silence of nature is talking
Every route is familiar through which I am walking,
I am hungry even after my meal
Unachievable goals seem no big deal
I am the happiest in my loneliness,
With all beautiful expressions I am blessed.
It’s miraculous that a day could change so much,
Such is the magic of your touch,
You were the cause of pain,
You are the reason, for which happiness should sustain,
You provoked my thoughts towards yourself
Today I pray this to the elf,
May my funeral too has your presence,
May I don’t count my last breath in your absence
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Move On
When u fall down and your knee is hurt,
With the crowd around like growling leopards,
Your frenz, mom and dad compelling you to grow up and
this is what they ask you to do,
“Move On baby and overcome your fears, for you shall not let them kill you”
You get up and again ride the bike.
shout, enjoy and be loud,
No matter if people unlike..
But..what do you do if its not a physical injury?
What is hurt is your heart and not your knee?
And people ask you to get way and bury..
Bury all that happened in the past.
Here the crowd of memory looks at you,
Your past is staring at you with a demon’s smile..
Oh…my dear you are young and agile!!!
What do you when ur frenz tell you to MOVE ON?
When they call your love a moron?
What do you when you know he was a Soule mate?
And those days you spent weren’t just a flamboyant date?
They tell you again “MOVE ON and live your life..”
But u know wherever you go your heart will sigh..
“Move On dear.. you have to be brave” is all what they say..
But u know those dreams weren’t just a house of clay..
You know you held hands with a faith to be not left alone..
And they ask you “You must hold someone’s hand to forget it all..”
“Move On Dear for you will die of pain..”
What will you do when you know that you are already dead..
What do you when your heart controls it and not your head
What do you do when you can’t hold your breath?
What do you do when these two words shout at you?
“Move On” is what you least wanna do.
It hits you hard right at your heart..
For it is not easy to call him a DEAD PAST
With the crowd around like growling leopards,
Your frenz, mom and dad compelling you to grow up and
this is what they ask you to do,
“Move On baby and overcome your fears, for you shall not let them kill you”
You get up and again ride the bike.
shout, enjoy and be loud,
No matter if people unlike..
But..what do you do if its not a physical injury?
What is hurt is your heart and not your knee?
And people ask you to get way and bury..
Bury all that happened in the past.
Here the crowd of memory looks at you,
Your past is staring at you with a demon’s smile..
Oh…my dear you are young and agile!!!
What do you when ur frenz tell you to MOVE ON?
When they call your love a moron?
What do you when you know he was a Soule mate?
And those days you spent weren’t just a flamboyant date?
They tell you again “MOVE ON and live your life..”
But u know wherever you go your heart will sigh..
“Move On dear.. you have to be brave” is all what they say..
But u know those dreams weren’t just a house of clay..
You know you held hands with a faith to be not left alone..
And they ask you “You must hold someone’s hand to forget it all..”
“Move On Dear for you will die of pain..”
What will you do when you know that you are already dead..
What do you when your heart controls it and not your head
What do you do when you can’t hold your breath?
What do you do when these two words shout at you?
“Move On” is what you least wanna do.
It hits you hard right at your heart..
For it is not easy to call him a DEAD PAST
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Half Awake or Half Asleep
When I look at the Ocean, I find it deep.
Dont know whether I am half awake or half asleep.
Looking at the stars, they look so far,
My Pal in her room, looks b'ful with her groom,
I shut my heart stating "The journy isnt of an hour"
I search for my Pa, he is somewhere lost in the fog,
My love comes riding from there,
ALAS!!! the strong wind makes his face unclear.
My mom held my hand, I got lost in the que,
Went to share some secret with a fren, now cant find him too,
Just some loved ones and bum-chums but no family exists
Yet for a long no relation with me persists,
I had made some promises to myself,
A swear I took..Not to be broken,
that I'd never get trapped in a shell,
no curfew will hold me and no bonded token,
like a FREE BIRD I chirp around,
to perfectly hear the echo of my soul's sound,
See the nite is now going dark,
No person around and no kids playing in the park,
In search of truth I walk alone,
Only I-ME-MYSELF,no shadow of mine and no clone.
Looking in well I see my glimpse,
glaring me with those daring tints,
but the depth of the well is so deep,
I cant recon if I am half awake or half asleep...........!!!!!!
Dont know whether I am half awake or half asleep.
Looking at the stars, they look so far,
My Pal in her room, looks b'ful with her groom,
I shut my heart stating "The journy isnt of an hour"
I search for my Pa, he is somewhere lost in the fog,
My love comes riding from there,
ALAS!!! the strong wind makes his face unclear.
My mom held my hand, I got lost in the que,
Went to share some secret with a fren, now cant find him too,
Just some loved ones and bum-chums but no family exists
Yet for a long no relation with me persists,
I had made some promises to myself,
A swear I took..Not to be broken,
that I'd never get trapped in a shell,
no curfew will hold me and no bonded token,
like a FREE BIRD I chirp around,
to perfectly hear the echo of my soul's sound,
See the nite is now going dark,
No person around and no kids playing in the park,
In search of truth I walk alone,
Only I-ME-MYSELF,no shadow of mine and no clone.
Looking in well I see my glimpse,
glaring me with those daring tints,
but the depth of the well is so deep,
I cant recon if I am half awake or half asleep...........!!!!!!
Friday, September 24, 2010
A Distant Place
I wish to reach at such a distant place
Where nobody would hear my voice,
Unaccompanied I would walk,
Through that deserted lain
Only a shadow of mine would follow,
With no regrets and pain
My face with no expression,
Like that dizzy night’s perception,
Where there would be no doubts to clear,
No stories to frame,
No ifs and buts to hear,
No properties to claim,
Would just walk and pass throughout,
With no smiles to exchange,
No anger to shout,
No tears to hide,
No conflicts to fight
Nobody to be proven wrong,
And no reasons to prove me right,
Yaa, I wish to reach at such a distant place,
As I am fed up life’s this sabby spot,
There is too much continuity,
And I am looking for as full stop,
It places a question mark every now and then,
Those Exclamation marks bring the reason to lament,
I don’t understand the difference between black white and grey,
All get moulded like made up of clay,
Here, I feel like I am lost in all,
Together we walk,
But secluded we fall,
Yeah! I wish to go to that distant place,
Where my footprints can-not be traced
Where nobody would hear my voice,
Unaccompanied I would walk,
Through that deserted lain
Only a shadow of mine would follow,
With no regrets and pain
My face with no expression,
Like that dizzy night’s perception,
Where there would be no doubts to clear,
No stories to frame,
No ifs and buts to hear,
No properties to claim,
Would just walk and pass throughout,
With no smiles to exchange,
No anger to shout,
No tears to hide,
No conflicts to fight
Nobody to be proven wrong,
And no reasons to prove me right,
Yaa, I wish to reach at such a distant place,
As I am fed up life’s this sabby spot,
There is too much continuity,
And I am looking for as full stop,
It places a question mark every now and then,
Those Exclamation marks bring the reason to lament,
I don’t understand the difference between black white and grey,
All get moulded like made up of clay,
Here, I feel like I am lost in all,
Together we walk,
But secluded we fall,
Yeah! I wish to go to that distant place,
Where my footprints can-not be traced
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